So you are probably wondering... confirmation day??? What does that mean, especially for someone who doesn't believe in god... when confirmation usually is tied to that somehow...
Today I confirmed many things. I confirmed that people don't change. I confirmed that you can give everything you have to someone and it still might not be enough. I confirmed that my ex is only happy and sexually satisfied if he is cheating. I confirmed that I will need to pick up all of my pieces and move on.... and that this time I have to. I cannot take him back again. We have been riding this roller-coaster round and round for over a year and he fights with her and comes to me and although he and I don't usually fight he continues to go back to her. He will fight with her to keep her but he will not fight with anyone to keep me. Believing that he loved me for anything more than my money and adderall is a fantasy. Confirming that everyone who has been telling me all this over and over and over and over is right is what hurts most. I don't like not being right. I am not right on this. There is not a person there that others don't see. There is not a good person there hiding behind years of struggle and pain. There is not a person there who cares about me, let alone loves me. While he always falls back on him treating me better than anyone else I have been with, that's really sad for me. He only treated me right in the beginning and he was still cheating then, Its been almost 2 years and I am still not enough and not what his heart wants. If after all this time he still doesn't "know" if I'm the one then I'm not the one. After all the times he has hurt me and left me wondering if he was only playing a role to get what he wanted or needed at the time, I should know by now that he is not the one for me either. The one for me wouldn't do this to me once, let alone repeatedly. I suck at letting go and moving on. I guess that's the next obstacle in my life that I need to overcome. Well... thanks for the ear...
