Sometimes I forget things.
This isn't the first time I started a blog and then forgot. I never made it public though because I would have somehow become the bad person again and I'm tired of being held responsible. Its a downer.
Moving on from that.
Life in Pleasantville has continued on in a swirly whirly ball of disorganization and defeated efforts. The ex's girlfriend is now his fiance and due to give birth to their son in August. That was a hard one to swallow. It's getting easier though. I have grown to realize she is so much like me. We seem to have the same humor and values and obviously the same taste in men. She has given me relief that when my children are with them they will be safe and happy. Not that their dad would purposefully put them in unsafe situations.... he wouldn't realize it was unsafe until the children told me about it after the fact and I called him on it. At that point he would do or say anything to maintain that he did nothing of the sort. Somehow his fiance has managed to get him to stay home more, quit the motorcycle club and make more time for the boys. He is even planning on taking them for several weeks, spread out, over the summer. This will be incredibly helpful to me as I am in the midst of planning my sisters wedding and constantly in a major fight against depression.
Speaking of depression.... that shit is hard to live with. I'm 35 and I still don't know what I want to do with my life. I spend most of the time I have without my children alone. Sometimes a prince comes and saves me. He whisks me off to a world where he and I are the only ones that exist. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to spend a lifetime with him. Alas... just like the old Tootsie Pop commercial... "the world may never know."
